you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
