You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
