Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hippo gnu deer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
