you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
