I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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