i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
