Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
