The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
