like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
