But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
