all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
