she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
