would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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