If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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