everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
