dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
