I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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