I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
