I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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