I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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