can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
