did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
