Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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