Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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