You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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