census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
