i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
