I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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