And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
