watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
