i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
false alarm, still single
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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