oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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