I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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