Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
