I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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