My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize