Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize