no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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