I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
