And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
