I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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