OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
