whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
