She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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