worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
