then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think your dad took our porno
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
