Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
