From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize