she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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