Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
