You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
