Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
