We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize