she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
