Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
