I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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