theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want to fling myself into the sun
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
