you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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