New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
