We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
