just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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