It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
