If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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