we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
