Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
