i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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