Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
